7 days a week laugh.

Leonvdb · Post by **Leonvdb** » Wed 05 Feb 2014, 14:43

Murphy's' old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come.
He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby.
She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over
at Murphy and said.'Hey, Murph You just had you a son!
'Ain't dat grand!!'Murphy got really excited when the doctor spoke up and
said, 'Hold on! We ain't finished yet' The doctor then delivered a little girl.
He said, 'Hey, Murph! You got you a daughter, She is a pretty lil ting, too....'
Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, 'Hold on, we aint got done yet.' The doctor then delivered another boy and said, 'Murph, you just had yourself another boy!'
Murphy said to the doctor, 'Doc, what caused all of dem babies?
The doctor said, 'You never know Murph, it was probably something that happened during conception.'
Murphy said, 'Ah yeah during conception.'
When Murph and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down
with his wife and said,'Mama, you remember dat night that we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil?'
She said, 'Yeah, I remember dat night...
'Murph said,'I'll tell you, ....it's a f??kin' good ting we didn't use WD-40

Post by **ters** » Wed 05 Feb 2014, 19:49

@ Leon!

ALERT!!!!!!!

Pick and Pay CAR PARK SCAM - BEWARE!

Please BE WARNED! Over the last month I have become a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam whilst out shopping.

Simply dropping into Pick and Pay's supermarket for a bit of shopping turned out to be quite an experience. Don't be naïve enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends! Here's how the scam works:

Two very good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen, their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T- shirts. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead they ask you for a lift to another supermarket, in my case, Checkers. You agree and they both get in the back seat.

On the way there, they start undressing. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, kissing you and thrusting herself against you, while the other one steals your wallet!

I had my wallet stolen on October 4th, 9th,10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th. Also on November 1st, 4th, 6th, 9th and 10th and twice yesterday.

So please warn all the older men you know to be on the lookout for this scam. The best times seem to be just before lunch and about 4:30 in the afternoon.

Ters.

gordini · Post by **gordini** » Wed 05 Feb 2014, 22:33

An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.

One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:

"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”

The husband texted back to her: "I'm on the toilet. Please advise."

gordini · Post by **gordini** » Thu 06 Feb 2014, 21:57

The FBI had an opening for an assassin.

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

'We must know that you will follow your Instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair .... Kill her!!'
The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.'
The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.'
The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to kill him with the chair!'